Sooo, if you watch the Golf Channel regularly, you must have heard of Tom Watson advertising his DVD of his video "Lessons of a Lifetime", right? During the commercial, Tom Watson is heard saying "Ever done this? This? Or this? How about this? I can help you turn this...into this." You might start thinking that Tom Watson's catchphrase is the word "this".
Anyway, in case anyone is interested in buying the DVD, here is an excerpt of his DVD, lessons of a lifetime.
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One important lesson I learned is not while I was younger while playing golf, but rather, an embarrassing situation in the 2011 Masters.
I was playing a practice round. Before the round, I decided to drink lots and lots of alcohol to celebrate my 34th anniversary of my 1977 win at the Masters. Aaaaaah, the alcohol felt good.
So then I teed off for my practice round. With a lot of alcohol in my blood, I felt really good and played really well. Ripped my first drive down the middle of the fairway. Flagged my iron to 15 feet and drained the birdie putt.
On my second hole, I hit the fairway again and hit my second shot just in front of the green. Pitched to four feet and made the birdie.
Made another birdie on the third when I hit my wedge to 3 feet. For a while it looked like I was going to shoot the round of my life.
Made a solid par on 4 by two-putting from 35 feet.
One thing I didn't know was that alcohol is a stimulant in the beginning upon ingestion, but gradually becomes a depressent. This was evident on the fifth hole. After hitting another good drive, the alcohol began to kick in for I left my approach short of the green. The alcohol dampered on my short game and touch around the greens, for I chipped to 12 feet short and missed the par putt for a bogey.
This continued on the next hole. Hit to the middle of the green, 30 feet to hole. My short game let me down again and I hammered my putt eight feet past. My par putt lipped out, settling for back-to-back bogeys.
Feeling mad, I tried to bomb my drive on 7 but hit it into the left rough. With the alcohol resulting in me not thinking properly, I tried gouging the ball out with a mid iron. It flew the green into a back bunker. Luckily I hit to two feet to save par.
That was when I began to feel an urge to urinate. I tried my best to shake off that feeling. I hooked my drive on 8 in the left woods. Pitched it out, and went for the green on my third shot. It ended up short right, leaving an impossible chip shot and I wound up with another bogey.
On 9, I then finally hit a good drive and a good iron shot to 20 feet. The urine in my bladder distracted me, for I left my putt 4 feet short, then my par putt horseshoed around the cup and missed. Made another bogey.
There was an opportunity for me to take a wazz, but I decided not to go because there was an 8-year-old watching me intently and I am afraid that if I were to go then the little kid would start making fun of me and distracting me. So I held my weewee and tried to last the full round without urinating.
But I began regretting this decision right the next hole. Being distracted by my pressured bladder, I hooked my next drive well left near Butler's Cabin (which was what Rory McIlroy would do in the final round of the Masters). I punched my shot back in the fairway, and hit my third shot left again. Pitched to 10 feet and then I narrowly missed my bogey putt and tapped in for double bogey.
Then I finally found my drive in the fairway the next hole. With a good angle, just as I began my back swing, the weewee in my bladder made a push to get out. That distracted me and I duckhooked my next shot. It dribble off to the left, 70 yards remaining to the hole over water. Trying hard not to do the potty dance, hit my shot and it flew over the green. Now my fourth stroke, I nearly holed out my beautiful pitch as it reached the hole and lipped out. I walk on the green to make my tap-in while beginning to do the potty dance. Got distracted and pulled my putt. It ended up even longer than my previous putt! I missed the next one too, and tapped in for a triple bogey. I was now 6 over par through 11.
Doing my potty dance, I hit my iron shot on 12 so badly that it didn't even reach Rae's Creek. My second shot landed short left into a bunker. Then I walked over the Hogan Bridge. By looking at the water at the bridge, I couldn't take it anymore. The bladder was desperately yearning to flow out. I ran across the green and into the woods. I unzipped my neatly zipped fly and the urine just flowed out.
After 30 seconds, the last drop of urine was spread onto the pine trees of Augusta. I zipped back my pants and climbed out of the woods. Luckily, the 8-year-old kid didn't even see me urinate nor he knew I was doing the wee wee! I now had 100% focus and hit my bunker shot. Believe it or not, it went in the hole for a miracle par!
Riding the momentum of the miraculous par, I ripped my next drive down the middle of the fairway on the par 5 13th and went for the green. Hit it to 35 feet and two-putted for an easy birdie.
Hit another good drive on 14, and the second shot nearly went in the hole! Stopped one foot short. Tap-in birdie.
Hit another good drive on 15, and hit a pure second shot to 15 feet, and holed the putt for an eagle. Despite being 6 over par thru 11 all of a sudden I was only 2 over par now!
Another birdie on 16 followed as my tee shot landed 30 feet away and funneled to 8 feet and I made that putt. Then I hit a perfect drive on 17 and had a short iron into the green, looking for another birdie which would actually bring me back to even par!
But that's when I suddenly felt a rush of dizziness, lethargy, and drowsiness. That was worse than the feeling I felt on the 5th hole! It turns out this was because all the ethanol (alcohol) in my body has been metabolized to acetaldehyde, a chemical even more toxic than alcohol! Overcome by those feelings, I shanked my iron shot and it dribbled left about 50 yards to the left pine straws.
Without even thinking, I hit a punch shot which hit a tree and bounced backwards to the fairway with 200 yards left to the hole! Dumped my next shot into the bunker short right, left my next shot in the bunker, and finally got it out the next shot. Pulled by 5 foot putt, and had to settle for a quadruple bogey 8.
Feeling totally numb and stupefied, my tee shot on 18 ended up so far right that it didn't even find the trees. It ended up on the other side of the trees and I actually had a clear shot to the green! My shot ended up in the mounds left of the green. Hit my slippery chip 20 feet past the hole and made the putt for a crazy up-and-down par. When all was said and done, I had shot a 77 which could have been a 65 if not for my bladder that ruined my round!
-- Signed, 1977 Masters Champion and 2009 British Open runner-up, Tom Watson
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