Toledo, OHIO - Tom Watson, the world famous hypocrite and alcoholic, notorious for criticizing Tiger Woods' infidelity and lack of respect for golf, while hacing sex with loads of women and urinating in the trees of golf courses himself, made the decision to play in the PGA Tour's Greenbrier stop, instead of the US Senior Open, arguably the biggest tournament in all of senior golf.
His decision was considered by many to be highly odd and unusual. Tom Watson has apprently decided to play in a tournament on the PGA Tour where the young guns are outdriving him by 20-40 yards, and if the weather and course conditions are good, him being the par grinder he is known for, has zero chance to contend, and with high odds of missing the cut.
He chose to play a PGA Tour event with no chance to win when he very much could have been playing the Senior Open at Inverness Golf Club, a course with the usual US Open setups, narrow fairways and deep rough, a course set to his liking.
Here are certain speculations to why Watson chose to play in the Greenbrier instead of the Senior Open.
1. Watson is scared of fast greens. He has the yips. YIPS, YIP YIP YIPS. On fast greens, if you have the yips you won't make any putt. Putts will keep lipping out if you hit the edge of a cup, which is not always the case for slow greens. You must not pull or push any putt. Watson does it regularly whenever he has a putt from 3 to 6 feet. These types of par putts are commonplace for an US Open.
2. There are more washrooms at the Greenbrier than at Inverness. Tom Watson is an alcoholic, and alcoholism results in a highly active bladder, which was demonstrated earlier this year's Masters, when Watson URINATED into the pine trees on the 12th hole. The Greenbrier is a resort course, designed for golfers to have fun, and as a result of its accomondation for golfers, there's been bound to have many washrooms and portable toilets scattered throughout the course. Watson won't have to worry about potty issues no more. Inverness is NOT a resort course. It's a very tight championship course. With this being the US Senior's Open and the course being stretched out to its limits, and having to accomodate all the spectators, and the course being very tight, there is probably not enough washrooms.
3. Tom Watson is afraid of the mother of Phil Mickelson's illegitimate child. It has been reported by NUMEROUS sources that Phil Mickelson is secretly married to a black woman in Ohio and they have a child named Darnelle Mickelson. Well, it has been speculated that Watson sometimes secretly spends time with the child and Watson has been teaching the child on how to be the biggest hypocrite in the state. So the child began telling his mother that he wanted to grow up being a hypocrite. So the mother threatened Watson that if he were ever to spend time with the child again she would call the police. Watson is now afraid that the child will come to Watson and the mother would think that Watson voluntarily chose to spend time with the child.
Whatever the reason maybe, I'm sure he'll be dearly missed in the US Senior Open. The vieweship would go down. After all, people tune in to watch Tom Watson, right?
Right. BUT!!!
People tune in to watch Watson STRUGGLE!!! People who have contempt for hypocrites love watching Watson have the yips and repeatedly and continuously miss 3 foot putts!!!
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